shadow and mirror (mollya) wrote,
shadow and mirror
mollya

Later yesterday afternoon, E said, "I think you are singing tomorrow morning."

"That's next week," I said. We had the rehearsal for the Bat Mitzvah on Wednesday. It wasn't as unpleasant as I was led to believe it might be.

"No, it says right here that you are singing tomorrow, too." E pointed at the calendar.

Usually if I am going to lead on Saturday morning at the synagogue I will practice. If it's a big event, I'll sing all week. If it's a smaller service, I'll just sing it through on Friday. (If I am leading at the havurah, I plan all week because I want to make it special. At the synagogue, I'm just following one of the rabbis so I don't have to be as prepared.)

I should sing it through, I thought, but I was more interested in cooking a nice dinner for our guests and I never got around to it.

I didn't sing particularly well, by which I mean I could tell that my voice was not as clear as it could be. I also fumbled a little of the Hebrew. It was fine. In fact, I felt really good about it, even though I could have done so much better. I was very relaxed on the bima and I felt like the rabbi and I were communicating well.

Also, I guess, I stress out way more when I am less than perfect at the havurah. I care more about the good opinion of that small group, I think, than I do about the people in the bigger congregation. I am more invested there, and I am more concerned about my longterm reputation.
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